What this Blog is All About - Our Life

We have started a blog. Why? To share our lives with the many family and friends who don't live near us. Seems over the years everyone has scattered. (Or rather, we have scattered) Shane's Family in Idaho and Ginger's Family in Wisconsin. There are also the wide range of friends, all over the country, we have made through TurningLeaf seminars. We thought this would be a nice place to keep the world informed of our lives. (Those who dare, anyway!)

My Struggle with Perfection

Ginger Writes, "It’s time for another blog entry… Why? Because I want to put off my workout! (Honesty will set you free... LOL) Shane is at work today so I am having a nice “alone” day today. Alone days are good sometimes. I enjoy them here and there. They allow me to gather my thoughts and reflect on life a little. It’s been a busy few months so it is nice to not have anything planned and have the day just for me. (Although if I had to choose it would be a day for both Shane and Me)

So what’s new in the world of Shane and Ginger? Well, we have settled into our home in Cedar City. It’s been almost 2 months now. I have enjoyed seeing Shane almost everyday and have gotten use to the drive to and from work. I have the best Boss’ in the world, who have allowed me to work one day a week from home. I will NEVER take for granted that I work for the most amazing people in the world. Even on the hardest days, I still love my job. As for working at home, it is strange that I feel I get more done in that one day than I do sometimes at the office. The move to Cedar has been surprisingly enjoyable.

Shane is still plugging away with his current job. He loves the income and the stress free mentality but not so much the hours. He is home almost every night so we can't complain too much. He is also working his butt off to help with the new company his parents started. It is call HTC Trucking. He made the joke the other day that they named it after my LOVE for my phone. (HTC) BUT with all sarcasm aside it was named after his grandparents. Harold and Thelma Caldwell. I have been in awe watching the 3 of them (His parents and Shane) get this operation up and running. They now have 3 trucks and are in desperate need to hire drivers to keep up with the demand in loads. Shane’s Mom is a rockstar by maintaining loyal clients she has worked with in the past and they all seem to not care it is a “New” company because they love her so much. Some have even decided to go against their normal policy of not taking on companies less than 2 years old, just so they can keep working with her. It has been a blessing. The only real set back, so far, has been finding drivers in the Cedar City area. None of us would have thought in this economy it would be hard to find people to work. However, I don’t think it will be an issue too much longer, last week there were A LOT of people calling for the job. There were many people who didn’t believe they could do this. The competitive side of me is pretty excited they have proved all those negative people WRONG!

I have taken on a new workout program which also includes a Shake in the mornings and eating more healthy. Most of you reading this know this already because you hang out with me on facebook. My physical health has been a struggle my whole life. (Or at least since I was a teenager) When I say struggle I don’t mean that this whole time I have had a weight issue. My weight has fluctuated by 10lbs to 50lbs this whole time and even on the low end I have felt “Gross” about myself. It has been the emotional side of my body image that I have struggled with, not so much the weight. It is AMAZING to me now, looking back, to see pictures of myself over the years. There are some pictures I see and think “Wow, I look great” but if I reflect on how I felt at that time, I felt Fat and Lazy. How sad! It has really hit me the most since I have met Shane, just how hard I have been on myself over the years. Self image is HUGE! Since I have met Shane I believe I had put on about 30lbs. BUT for some reason, I hadn’t noticed as much as I would have in the past. I truly believe it was because I had spent those 3 years after I went through divorce, before meeting Shane, working on my Emotional health. There is a lot to be said for feeling emotionally healthy. I believe the first real moment I felt this shift regarding my weight and my emotions behind it, was when I went to pick out my wedding dress. My best friend Andrea was with me and although I was so excited to go with her and her daughter, I remember dreading it a little because at the time I was at my all-time high weight. BUT as I was trying on the dresses, I forgot about it. When I found the one that I would wear on my wedding day I thought to myself… “If I don’t lose one single pound, I am going to be just fine with it… I have never felt so beautiful in a dress” Had I been at this weight 10 years ago and tried on that same dress, I would have obsessed over being the heaviest I had ever been and trashed myself with Negative Self Talk regarding “How I could have let myself get like this.” It didn’t matter back then how much people told me I looked great, I didn’t believe them. I look at some of the pictures now and think… WHAT WAS I THINKING?, I did look great! The shift I have seen come over the last few years is that I feel good about myself from the inside and so it just doesn’t matter what my weight is anymore, I look great no matter what. That day finding my dress was a blast! Changing the way I see myself makes ALL the difference!

I have learned a few things since starting the “Insanity” workout DVD’s and also since I have started drinking the shakes in the morning. One, I have had to re-face a lifetime battle with Perfectionism. I am most certain many of you can relate to this. (Especially others in my family) If not, here is how it works… “If I don’t do something perfect, I don’t want to do it at all” My whole life has been this way. Another way to describe it is by sharing with all of you that I am a “LIST” maker. I have been my entire life, ask my Mom. If I miss one thing on the list… I am frustrated. Instead of celebrating all the things I have accomplished, I get upset over the one or two things I did not. Crazy, Eh? The logical side of me knows this is a very hard way to get through life. The emotional side of me is addicted to trying to be perfect. Now, over the last 5 years, I have hit this set back HEAD ON. I have been very lucky to have people in my life to remind me it’s ok to not be perfect, to not get everything done, to have bad days, to get upset with people and them with me, and to even express my frustrations of life. SO... this Insanity workout program has been another test of this life long battle and it ALMOST won.

Over a year ago I had tried to make it through another program called p90X. (made by the same company) I got about 3 weeks through it and missed a few workouts. That was it, I was done. I had no motivation to do it because I had already messed it up. I had lost about 10 pounds but quickly put it back on because I found myself discouraged I had not done the program exactly the way it was prescribed. Also about 6 months ago I found myself really wanting to take up running. This too was dropped because I could not find a way to train just perfectly. Just think of all the great things I am missing out on because I hold myself to this unreasonable standard!

A few months ago, I was determined to try again...I started with just drinking the shakes in the morning. I had again lost about 10lbs. I was excited and was ready to try a work out program but this time with “Insanity”. The first day was the “Fit Test” and to say it was one of the hardest workouts I had done, was an understatement. My body hurt so much the next day, I did not continue on. I then took a trip back to Wisconsin and stopped drinking my shakes and ate like crap… and guess what?!? I put on almost all the weight I had lost. BUT, when I got back home, I had a few good conversations with some close friends to remind me I don’t have to be perfect at it. So, I started it again. This time instead of seeing it as a 9 week program, I am taking it on as a program that has 55 workouts. If it takes me 9 weeks, GREAT, if it takes me 18 weeks, GREAT… heck, if it takes me ALL year, GREAT! I can not tell you how much this has helped me keep going. There have been a few days I just wouldn’t do the workout. BUT the next day, I was back at it. I am not doing it PERFECT and for some reason it has been a liberating feeling to not do it exactly the way it is supposed to be done. I plan to embrace this feeling and shift it into other areas of my life I am still struggling. The saying “Do your best, forget the rest” has come into my mind over and over... I am very grateful!

Well, this blog entry is getting pretty long, so for those who have been asking… the Wedding plans are still in the works but almost complete. We think there will be about 75 people traveling out to Long Beach to join us on our day. I am getting so excited to call Shane my Husband. Words cannot describe it. Of those 75 people about 40 of them will be going on the Cruise. It will be a moment in our lives we will never forget. We have also gotten a lot of responses from those who cannot make it and will be joining us at a St. George reception. We are still working out the details for it, so stay tuned. We feel so fortunate to have so many family and friends who want to be a part of our lives. I do not take it for granted. If you are still thinking of joining us in Long Beach, it’s not too late, send Shane and I a message and we can get you information. One of the wishes I had for our day was to be surrounded by the ones we love… there will be no greater gift."